In today's episode of Bare Minimum Babe, we talk about body issues and how you can help other women with this by being honest and not being afraid to look a little weird. Also how you can flirt with women to build them up, what you think about yourself is probably a lie, and how sharing the positive thoughts we have about others can change yours and that persons outlook for the better.
How I Flirt with Women at Weddings 💍
I work in a cover band as the lead singer, and this past weekend I was singing at a wedding and this absolutely beautiful girl was dancing, kind of in a lowkey way with her boyfriend. She wasn’t letting completely loose, but I appreciated that she was dancing and looked like she was having a decent time as we were playing.
As I was singing, I kept making eye contact with this girl because that's important as the front person, and I kept thinking "omg she is so freaking pretty."
After the 20th time of me doing this in my head, I was like ya know what... I’m gonna weirdly tell her this. So I decide as I'm singing between chorus and next verse where there's like 7 seconds for me to breather, I mouth to her “you're so pretty.”
She realizes what I'm saying and instantly smiles and her eyes light up and she turns to her boyfriend, I assume to tell him that I’m being weird and kind of hitting on her.
Fast forward to when we’re done and packing up, this girl, who I'll call Natalie, comes up to me with a big smile and tells me...
“Thank you so much for saying that earlier. Honestly, I've been struggling a lot with body issues, this week especially trying to figure out what to wear tonight, and I felt super not sure of this dress since it is more form-fitting... and just thank you so much. That really made my week.”
We chatted for a bit and exchanged numbers and I told her sorry if that was weird I just kept thinking it and think I should start saying the nice thoughts in my head to others.
She also said that she was talking to her friend about how she thought I looked really pretty in my dress and loved the way it looked. I told her I actually felt silly in it since it didn't fit the same since the last time I wore it was in 2019 before I started lifting in the gym and lost a full bra size and my waist and back slimmed down. So I was feeling just as insecure about how I looked in my dress as she did in hers.
I realized then I don't think ANYONE actually felt 100% confident and comfortable in what they’re wearing and what it might be highlighting, but F that, I think most of this trash is just in our heads.
What You Think Is Probably a LIE 🤪
I found it so sad/interesting/funny during this whole exchange how you can think one thing about a person and they think a completely different thing about themselves and you, for good or bad.
I understand this was outside validation, but sometimes I do think we need that to reassure ourselves, and the fact that it came from someone that she herself thought the same thing about was extra points to her. Because if I’m saying it and she thought the same nice thoughts about me, well then...it must be at least a little bit true, right?
Building Other Women Up 🛠
Unlike a man with possible sexual intentions, I have no motive other than to tell her what I was thinking in the hopes that she took it in the way that I meant it, which was as a compliment to make her feel good.
And yes it was a physical appearance compliment, but I don't feel vain or shallow to say it. We’re all vain. We all want to look and feel good about it. That’s not wrong. It’s called self-care to take care of yourself and want to feel good. And so I might've been able to help her just 1% in that by telling her what I thought.
As a woman especially, the world tries so hard and succeeds to knock us down in every way so it's our job to build us back up. And that includes other women. She felt insecure because of what society told her was a "good" body. That's BS. She's gorgeous and seemed so nice as a person. She's more than just a slab of meat in a dress.
Woman to woman, when you say nice things to another woman, they take to heart what you say because you have no reason to lie to them...you usually don't want anything more from them which is why what you say has such weight, it's your truth.
Read More: We need outside validation…Wait! Hear me out! Ep 9
This is why when my husband says I look nice I'm like "yea okay thanks" vs. when a woman says it I get so excited and smile big and say "thank you! so do you!" Because chances are this woman isn't trying to see my nipples later...so she's saying what she means.
The Importance of Being Earnest 📚
I heard on a podcast a while ago, no idea which one so sorry for no reference, that the guest realized he never said compliments to people. Ever.
He only ever gave them either neutral or negative feedback for improvement.
But he would think nice complimentary things all the time, actually more than the more negative stuff he would verbalize. It hit him how that was kind of messed up so he started saying all the positive stuff and then talked about how this instantly improved his outlook on life in general.
I heard that episode and completely related. Especially with my daughter. I rarely said all the nice things I thought or noticed about her, like how kind she was, how she was great at making other kids feel welcome, how I loved when she gave me hugs, etc.
I really only said things like “hey you missed that corner, can you re-sweep that again?” and “hey don’t forget your water bottle for practice, you tend to wait until the last minute and I’d like you to be more proactive, and pack it ahead of time.”
I of course gave her hugs and told her I loved her and all that stuff but mainly my verbalized thoughts were in teaching or correcting mode. That didn’t endear love towards me or make her feel good, it just meant she did the minimum to not be corrected.
So after hearing this guest on the podcast, I started verbalizing the nice things I think in my head to others even if it feels super weird and icky to randomly say. It does make people smile and selfishly in turn it makes me happy because I made them happy. So I guess it’s not selfish, just more like a give and take.
And for example, that girl from the wedding Natalie who I told was pretty and was having a rough week, she might then pass that on to someone else and randomly say something to somebody else.
This thinking has really been a game changer for me and has opened so many new doors and relationships.
Say What You Wanna Say & Let the Words Fall Out
It's silly not to say something simply because you’re afraid of looking weird or stupid.
Pro-tip: I also usually preface it with “hey not to be weird but…” that way they know at least you recognize this is kinda weird and that’s out of the way so they know you DO know social codes but you’re choosing to make an exception to say this thing to them.
So anyways, Natalie and I exchanged numbers because we did chat so easily and I gave her a quick gist of all that I said here about how I want to make it a point to say nice things I think to people and she totally agreed and loved it.
We’ll see where it leads but even if we dont become friends and literally nothing comes of the interaction other than she felt good in THAT moment... that’s all my motivation was. I wasn’t trying to make a new friend or anything. I just wanted to share a nice thought with her.
The fact that I was able to just tell her something I felt and it made her happier, made me feel really good about myself too. Like I can be something good in the world. And it doesn't even need to be in a huge world-changing way that can feel overwhelming, just in a little way that I know at least I’m not a “bad” force in the world.
Cliff Notes 🧗🏻
In today’s episode we talk about:
how “flirting” with women can build them up
what you think about yourself is probably a lie
how sharing the positive thoughts we have about others can change yours and that person's outlook for the better, even if you look a little weird
Make someone smile, change the world…anyone?
Challenge for You! 🥳
If you think something nice about someone, SAY IT! Simple as that :)
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