This week will build upon last week's episode titled “Stop Belittling Yourself and Your Efforts. Ep 14.” where I mentioned how naming my inner voice and looking at her as an archetype helped me silence her a bit and feel more compassion toward what she was trying to accomplish when she was overly negative or placed doubts in my mind.
Finding and Owning My Inner Voice
I found an awesome woman named JJ (aka Jillian Fiore) who was looking for people to help her as part of her research group so she could finish her master's degree. As part of the project, we could connect with her for sessions on archetypes, felt sense, meditation, etc.
During one of our felt sense sessions, we were talking about how I feel overly controlling because of childhood issues where I had no control and things were chaotic and so now I overcompensate by being overly in control of all that I possibly can be. I was honest and told her I hated this about myself because I realized a few years ago that this was part of my feeling anxious all the time and that I was causing a lot of my own anxiety issues.
She instructed me to really feel where in my body I felt this controlling aspect. I started to recognize that I felt it mostly in my forehead as a tense and scrunched-up sensation behind my eyes.
We talked through how there’s a part of me that’s a very amped up version of control and she lives behind my eyes in my forehead, tensing it up.
We put a name to her to help recognize and talk to her and after an image of a control panel behind my eyes — Much like if you’ve seen that wonderful Disney movie Inside Out (highly recommend a watch).
Wonder Woman is strong and can control herself and her surroundings and is always stoic so she was the first image that came to mind behind that control panel. Ipso facto: my inner voice that loves control is named Diana.
Inner Voices As Archetypes
We realized that Diana was basically an archetype of what I wanted to be based on my life experiences—In control at all times.
An archetype is essentially a typical example of a certain person or thing because it has all of its most important characteristics. It’s almost like a stereotype.
For example, when you think of a “caregiver,” “hero,” “outlaw,” “innocent,” etc. you can probably mentally see a picture of these roles and the traits they typically exhibit. These are archetypes.
With me naming the voice and tenseness in my forehead was me putting a name and face to the “ruler” archetype.
For the Ruler archetype, its core desire is stability and it does this using control to prevent chaos. At it’s best it’s confident, polished, and responsible, and at it’s worst it’s controlling and cold. Which perfectly describes my Diana and who I was trying to portray.
Here’s more info on the Ruler archetype here https://astute.co/brand-archetypes-the-ruler/
What Is Your Archetype’s Purpose?
For me, Diana wants to keep me safe from harm, both physical and emotional. She doesn't want me to embarrass myself or to get hurt and her way of doing this is by staying in control because that coping strategy is what served me when I grew up in chaos and without order.
But her over controlling nature led me to constantly be anxious, triple checking, overplanning, overly correcting, color coding things that don’t need it, and beating myself up when I made a small slip up because it meant I wasn’t in control of myself.
Her yelling at me to focus and regain control would create more issues because I wasn’t able to get into a flow and I was left to ruminate on mistakes instead of making notes and gently correcting errors.
It was all in my head and Diana yelling at me to grab back control is where I was spiraling out of control. Ironic.
Do You Still Need That Archetype?
I valued control, responsibility, and success because of what I had seen and experienced in my life and how the opposite of this (chaos and lack of control) would bring negative things into my life and I of course didn’t want that. I still don’t want that.
However, now that I’m in a much safer and more controllable part of my life, she’s not needed as often because I’ve got it handled and we’re safe. Letting Diana keep control over me at this point only causes anxiety, stress, worry, and judgment that no longer serve me.
She’s served her purpose at the main control deck and it’s now cool if she eases up on some duties and can trust that I’ve prepared and I know what I’m doing and if I mess up it’s okay because it’s not life or death in 99.9% of cases.
Like I mentioned in last week’s episode “Stop Belittling Yourself and Your Efforts. Ep 14,” your inner voice needs to feel safe. It needs to trust you to keep it safe from harm the best you can.
Having Compassion for Your Inner Voice/Critic
When I put a name and face to my inner voice/critic and thought of her as an archetype I became better able to understand what her purpose was, what her concerns were, and how to best calm her down.
Of course, she still shows up because she’s my best helper and has gotten me through so much so she’s always the first one called upon when I’m doing something new or when I’m in a situation or activity where I’ve been hurt before.
However as I mentioned in last week's episode, it’s helpful to ask myself:
Why is she showing up and taking over?
What is she trying to protect me from?
What does she want me to do?
The answers to these questions are neither good nor bad, and I don't need to do anything based on this information. It's just good to ask the information and make more informed actions and decisions. I can choose to then listen to her or tell her to go away.
Which Archetypes Do You Play?
Look up archetypes, if you’re interested, and you’ll find multiple ones that you step in and out of and how each one can serve you.
For example, you've played, and probably continue to play, the role of the child. This is why, when we’re around family, especially during the holidays, we regress to previous versions of ourselves. We’re stepping into the versions of ourselves that we play in our family dynamic and it’s often not who you want to be anymore because you realize it doesn’t serve you.
Archetypes are basically masks we wear, characters we step into play at various points of our lives and they can repeat or show up at various stages.
Just because I’m telling Diana to chill out doesn’t mean she won’t reappear later in some other way. She’s safe for me. I know her. She knows how to help me, in her own way. I’m comfy with her. She’ll come back and I recognize that. It’s okay.
Challenge for You! 🥳
Figure out where in your body you feel your inner voice when it's telling you something negative.
Is it your chest? A tightness in your throat? Sweating of your palms?
Figure out where that little person lives in your body.
What is yours trying to keep you safe from—what more hurt is it trying to prevent?
Address her concerns to help her feel safe.
Cliff Notes 🧗🏻♂️
Thinking of your inner voice/critic as an overhyped archetype and putting a name and face to her helps you better understand what her purpose is, what her concerns are, and how to best calm her down. Question: in which ways is she overreacting to keep you safe— does she overuse control, aggressiveness, niceness, manipulation, etc.? You might not need her anymore and want her to step out of the way to make room for another voice/archetype.
In this episode we discuss:
how to view your inner voice/critic as an overhyped archetype
how putting a name and face to your inner voice can give you better compassion and understanding for its purpose
how we all play roles and step into archetypes in our lives (for good or bad)
Mentions in this episode:
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Check out the show notes for this episode at bareminimumbabe.com/post/naming-your-inner-voice
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